im tired.. very..
mentally sick and tired of living... i've been constantly cursing myself to strike with brain tumour last stage.. den i wun haf to study!!
call me coward watever..

im sick and tired of life...

maths all day mk liling a dull nerd!

im gettin stupid i guessed... im like so grouchy.. i spend hrs doing a single tut!!! i feel so wasted of time.. ans best of all its juz 4 qns which i skipped 1 of them cuz i reali dun wanna think anymore!!
AHHAHAHA.... i hate using my brain.. sometimes i do hope that god can turn me into a hot n loveable BIMBo so tat i coudl get ard easily w/o ease. i could grab any job w/o effort... i could easily fish some big fishes and cheat off their $$$$.. HAHAHAHa... bt then again i tink bimbo not brain hw to cheat ppl $$$? haix


maths maths n maths..... i feel so nerd can.... i'm stuck wid my maths tut. the fear of nt being able to grad bcum greater n greater wid e harder of maths mod tat im taking. Boo.. it reali sucks... i tried to stay indoor nowadays... im missing the fun of collecting ang bao over e yrs... im nt visitin any fren hse anymore... i spend all time at hm doing MATHS... figuring Maths like decoding binary... i hate maths... i missed julia's mum ang bao!!!! haix....

And worse of all.. my maths tut been reali far bhind time.. i needa catch up before im really a goner... i started skipping lects and tut as soon as 4th wk of sch... HAHAA... i usually can last half a sem b4 skipping them... i juz hate maths so much...

and u guys stop telling me maths is interesting and fun.. try to prove it.. i bet u'll go haywire and even worse den me!!!

numb

i'm not strong, i'm numb

Happy Valentine Day

HAPPY VALENTINE DAY!!

anyway, i'm happy and yet not tt happy..
hahha!!

hall mates are great.
but they are all busy with their own stuffs : ((
we are no longer crazy.
we are no longer close.
uncle derek leaving 51 in weeks.
dont worry, i wont miss u! LOL
everybody is hiding in their rooms lo...
how i wish i could turn back time.
to my first semester in 51.
crazily in love with 51 then... : ))

updates of my life...

currently..
busy with FOC
oh ya.. my main com... crazy bunch of people but i love them lots!!
zhihui, tricia, shirley, casey, martin, ronggui, daqing, kelvin, sharm, michelle, zhichao, ivan, tzewei, firda, yekai, tzeqi, yvonne and cassandra.
Senior Camp on next friday and i'm quite excited abt it.
BBQ on the 22nd... finally get to see all my subcoms..
alright, let's work hard for FOC k..
my heart and soul and sweats are in IT!

busy with blk reps *arghs...!! love/hate r.s*
i'm very sian doing job as a chief blk rep.
the last steamboat session were great..
and i am very much looking forward to CNY dinner and ONS.
but 51 is like a dead zone now...
full of walking zombies.. very sian can?! : ((
i hope the response turns out well...

schoolwork..
i'm a lazybum.
who overslept and skip class.
as u guys know.. i missed 3 papers
so i got to retake the 3 modules...
i dont even have the heart to attend class lo...
except for my electives...
astronomy, malay and contemporary arts.
GONER!!

astronomy is cool. reminds me of my childhood anime, sailor moon.
where i can memorise the order of planets by heart. constellation is lil difficult for me.
i'm not tt imaginative! the quiz are freaking hard... : (( GONER!

i love malay class... but i getting kuku.. coz i keep mixing up japanese with malay.
some of the suffix and all.. and some vocab! hahha... coz malay is a funny language..
the structure is soooo diff.. GONER!!

ARTS.... critic the arts pieces.. i know NUTS.
GONER!!

:(( boo hoo.. i think i better start working hard and smart liao..

Enumeration of stages

The stages are:

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

i seen my mum been through these stages.
"it can't be happening.."
"why me? it's unfair.."
"Just let me live to see my children.. 5 years.. 5 more years"
"i'm going to die, why bother with anything?"
"it's going to be ok.."

what i went through..
"mum's gonna be fine after operation/chemotherapy.. etc etc."
"why my mum? she is such a nice person.."
"just let mummy see us till we start our own family..."
"my mum's going to die.. what can be worse than that?"
"let's spend the remaining days with mum fruitfully"

then...

"my mum's gone.. but she is still around.. i want her to be around"
and the cycle continues....
i don't know where am i now.


cycle continues if even for afterlife.
i know my mum..i know.

...can't believe she is dead...
...why is her life so short...
...hopes to be around at home to watch over us...
...time's up there's nothing she can do, she grief...
...it's time for her to depart to her own world...